If you happen to hear me pray, you’d be surprised to find it lathered with complaints, “Lord, why is this thing so hard?” or “What’s wrong with this person.”
It’s always about the specific details of my circumstances, others, what they failed to do. Never about the ‘me’ factor in the issue.
Agreed. It’s not nice hearing a recital of someone else’s dirt. Why does it concern God? Can you believe it? Just like how we wash and clean ourselves before bed, I do this as part of my nightly self-care to unload the everyday scum out of my soul, allowing the Lord to cleanse me, heal me and rejuvenate me anew.
Isn’t God holy? 100%. But He isn’t too distant to not care about the ordinariness of our lives. If we could detail the struggles and pain we’ve gone through to a close confidant — who sometimes doesn’t understand us — how about to our Father in heaven, who counts the numbers of our hair.
For instance, I tell God about this person’s unfair behavior, how stressful and difficult motherhood is, how I have to make career sacrifices, how being at home makes me torpid, how pregnancy wrecked my body, sigh about my many chores and on and on.
When a friend informed me the opposite — how being a mom and dream of going full-time — I felt guilt-ridden. Lest I’m misunderstood, I love my son. But I’m no saint. I still have dreams and goals I want to accomplish.
One day, God arrested my attention and pinpointed the root of these grumblings. Guess who is the common denominator? Me and my erroneous thinking.
Truth is, I was heavier at present compared to two years after giving birth, do I still have reasons to believe pregnancy is to blame?
Due to the pandemic, everybody is working from home, do I still have grounds to accuse my parenting responsibility of why I can’t find employment?
Conflict is inevitable because everyone is different, yes, including my spouse. But it’s possible to disagree without having to engage in heated exchanges. Rather than seeking to live peaceably with the other, do I keep insisting I’m always right?
There’s no escaping it. Responsibility is required.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.~ Psalm 139:23-24
Prayer isn’t always about asking. Of course, God loves us to come to Him for our needs. At the same time, He is interested in our dailyness, in who we are becoming in the process. His desire is for our souls to prosper so we could be safe when His blessings come. Yes, they do come. Sometimes not in the way we want them, but better.
Therefore, tell God anything and everything that stirs anxiety in your heart. Lay it all before the foot of the cross. It may not be not the same as my petty issues, nonetheless a concern.
He will bring awareness to the roadblocks, the dirts, that’s holding us back. Not to condemn us but to show our need for Him.
And when we allow God to deal with our soulish issues, He will wash them clean. He will lead us to the path of overcoming, to the way everlasting.