Deep sighs. Hot steam whirring out from my ears and nose. Voice threatening to boom. Before I became a parent, I thought I’m good at mastering irritation and managing anger. Dismayed, I find myself in competition with my husband. Whoever’s around endangers themself of cracking from our son’s whimpers for attention.
When I blow up, my thoughts would ferret around the many sins and failings I’ve committed as a mom — beginning from our son’s birth. I’d be guilt-ridden for hours and hours end, ruminating ‘what ifs’.
What if my parenting skill would scar my son emotionally, psychologically, spiritually.
What if this’ll impair a certain aspect of his life as an adult. I’d never forgive myself… And on and on.
Silly how I could easily recall all my wrongs as belting out my do re mis when I had trouble remembering my phone number. Or what we had for dinner two nights ago. Or the name of the person I just met.
I may be a virtuoso when it comes to digging up the failures of the past but not God. Hebrews 8:12 says,
“I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more”~ ESV
We can be assured God is not counting all our sins against us — past, present, and future. This is possible because of the cross.
Jesus is the sacrificial Lamb of God. All the sins we ever commit were imputed on His body while He was hanging on that tree. Jesus is judged, punished but not for Him. He did it in our place. His death is the payment. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6:23)
The Gospel isn’t complicated.
When we surrender our wrongs at the cross, divine exchange occurs. God takes our sins and imputes it on the body of His Son. It is then consumed in God’s wrath through the sacrifice of Christ. In exchange, we walk free and forgiven.
That’s why God is no longer mad at you and me. He no longer holds memories of our errors. Our only job is to put our faith in God’s forgiveness.
When my parenting sins and mistakes start to haunt my thoughts, I remember what Jesus did. God had already dealt with them at the cross. He has removed all of my sins. Not only that, He remembers them not.
As far as God is concerned, my plate is washed clean. God offers a fresh start. To begin over and over no matter how much I’ll fail or give myself to strong-emotions-that-lead-to-err in the future.
When I lose it, I simply have to come to God’s throne to receive fresh mercies and grace. Mercy to remember that I’m forgiven. Grace to parent my child.
Why then do I keep subjecting myself under the weight of guilt and shame?
Reset the mind from those guilt-ridden thoughts by remembering you are forgiven.