Five hours had passed since the pastor proclaimed us husband and wife, the problem is, I don’t feel married. I knew it in my head but reality hadn’t dropped to my heart. Not yet.
Early that morning, I ambled my way unhurriedly to the altar, walking on a crimson red carpet only deemed worthy to be stepped on by famous feet. Today is my special day. Who cares if I’m no celebrity. Ordinary people do it every day when they attend functions and galas and parties.
I wanted to speed up my pace, anxious with all jovial eyes gazing felicitously on me, on the embellished white gown I’ve chosen. Except I can’t. My high-heeled stiletto wouldn’t allow me. I had to kick sections of fabric underneath to progress my way to the altar while painting the biggest grin on my face.
What further evidence do I need?
We signed the contract. We exchanged tear-jerking vows, sealed the ‘I dos’ with a kiss, witnessed by the people who mattered most. Do I need to feel it to believe it?
Dana was sniffing, holding back the sobs threatening to stream down her cheeks. She lost her sister two days ago from pneumonia, less than six months after their mother succumbed to pernicious cancer. Her daughter is in jail for reckless driving. She lost her job. Her world is falling apart.
Words wouldn’t suffice what she is feeling deep inside, I held back my tongue, hugged her. I fought the urge to say something, nonetheless, I managed to tell her this: “God loves you.”
“Of course!” She answered, choking up her words. “He does.” looking unconvinced. Her face communicated something uncertain, yet conspicuously pronounced, “Where is He now that I need Him? He has forsaken me.”
How do you convince yourself God loves you, that He never leaves you and forsakes you when you don’t feel like it? When your world is falling apart?
When Jesus hung on that deplorable cross 2,000 years ago, He suffered alone, abandoned by His closest friends, forsaken by the Father. He feels our painful feelings deep inside. He knows what it’s like to be in agony. He understands our torturous distresses.
You are never alone despite how you feel. Your mind will play mind games at you, seeding subtle lies, “God has abandoned you.” but that’s far from reality.
Jesus subjected Himself to the excruciating pain of abandonment, so you and I will never be disowned. Ever!
Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” that is, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”~Matthew 27:46 NKJV
When you were alone in that hospital room, hurting, deserted by family and friends, He held you close in His heart. When you are wounded by the cutting remarks for all the questionable decisions you’ve made in life, God still approves of you. He wants to give you a bright and prosperous future.
He only wants you to believe that His Son, Jesus Christ, suffered the pain of abandonment so you never will. His heart’s desire is for you to step on that crimson red carpet of His Son’s sacrifice. We do not deserve it, but Jesus bore our undeservedness to clothe us with His deservingness.
Kick out those sections of unbeliefs in your mind, whispering lies of abandonment, hindering you from progressing to the altar of God’s love. Come boldly to His throne. Kiss Grace.
I knew in my head I’m married, yet I have to convince myself over and over of what’s real, so my heart will go in-sync with the knowledge of the truth. It took time, yes, until it became substantially felt.
I’m married, who can disagree with that? God is for you, who can argue with that?
Tell the Lord God you want to experience Him today, not just know Him in your head. His love for you is genuine, tangible. Allow it to fill up your heart. Make it real.
You see, people will hurt us, life’s struggles will weigh us down one after another, friends and family will leave us, even disown us, but God never will. He loves you with an everlasting love. He will never leave you and forsake you. Convince yourself of the truth until it becomes evident in your heart.
PS: photo source